Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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