It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
