they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
