do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
