did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
