y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
