dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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