so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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