Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
