The best revenge is premature balding
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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