There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
