Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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