ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
