one word: firstdatebathroomanal
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Pooping to opera.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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