you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
