I'm laying in your front yard are you home
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
