Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
