ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
