She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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