Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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