Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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