You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
