I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
