I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
