I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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