8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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