i think i have herpe
just one?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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