I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
