Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
