I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
