My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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