Nicole vs. Life
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
