your parents love me but you hate me
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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