ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Less talking, more tequila
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
