OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
