i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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