WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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