I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
