So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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