and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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