If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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