bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
