You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
