I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
