THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
