Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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