Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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