I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
