Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I will pee on everything he values.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
