Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
