its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
