she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
