You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
