Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
